I'm on a Roll!

After writing my previous post on Friday, I now have another example to add to the ever-growing list. Last night before dinner, we were getting ready to do a small drama to introduce our Holy Week activities and I asked one of the older girls (who teaches English in our school) if she could turn off the lights at one point during the drama. I thought I was explaining it very clearly but then she stopped me and said, "ummm... wait, it's better if you just say it in English."

Now I am really beginning to think that I may need to go back to language school!

Do you speak Spanish?

It looks like my time in language school is really paying off. Twice in the past week I have been asked if I speak Spanish. The first was the other day at lunch when ten year-old Kevin was going to tell me a joke and then hesitated and said, "well, do you speak Spanish?" I was caught off guard since we have had many conversations in Spanish but it was really too funny to be offensive. I said, "a little" to which he responded, "umm... then you're not going to understand me" -- implying why waste his time. I told him to go ahead and I laughed hard after he finished telling the joke, but sadly I must admit he was right -- I didn't understand a word!

The second question was posed today when our car (which we are yet to find out if it is a lemon!) wouldn't start after we filled it with gas. Several Guatemalan men who work at the gas station came over and tried to help us -- mainly by banging on the battery with the windshield squeegee. They decided to give the car a rolling start to see if that would do the trick so one of the men got behind the wheel and he began to talk to me. I attempted to respond, thinking that I understood what he was saying but then he interrupted and said, "do you speak any Spanish?" That's was not a good sign nor did it help with my confidence in speaking the language!

Oh well, better luck next time!

Juan David

There is a new child a NLCH -- seven year-old Juan David arrived on Wednesday! He is very sweet and has a big smile. He seems to be hitting it off very well with the other children. Here are a few pictures from his first few days here. Descriptions are below the pictures.

Juan David getting his haircut by the hairdresser who visits the Home once a month.

Playing with one of the Asbury college student's sunglasses. He doesn't appear to be shy!

Posing for a picture with his new friends and one of the Asbury college students who was here with a mission team this past week (I like his Cardinals shirt!). Juan David is on the left in the green and blue striped shirt with his arm around Giovani.

Daniel's Makeover

Last night we ate dinner with the young girls at their house. We had a great time! After dinner, the girls decided to give Daniel a makeover while I was visiting the older girls. You know that he must really love these girls in order to sit through something like that. I was very proud of him. I guess he decided that he would do whatever it takes to bond with them... even if it means headbands, hairspray, and pulled hair! Against his wishes, I thought I would share a few pictures with you...

Sustained By Love

I cannot think of the right words to express gratitude for the love that has been shown to us over the past few weeks through emails, phone calls, prayers and encouragement, but it seemed only right to acknowledge the impact here and to offer a simple "thank you." Anyone who has experienced grief knows that it is the love, support and prayers of others that carry you through the difficult times.

I am amazed by how many emails we have received from people who have had similar experiences. Thank you for sharing your stories with us! It was comforting to know that you understood our pain. Also, it was very encouraging to hear from people who lost their first child but went on to have other children. I pray that will be the case for us as well.

While things are not back to "normal" and I am not sure when they will be, I am ready for this blog not to be dominated by the miscarriage. There is still sadness and some days are worse than others, so I can't promise that I won't have something to say about it in the future, but I am now ready to post about other things.

In the midst of sadness there is incredible joy. I am so thankful to be in an environment where I am daily surrounded by 47 loving children (plus the over 400 from the school!).

Paul's Here!

In this picture, you see several of my favorite things: 1)Kara, 2)one of my best friends- Paul Niswander, who is here leading a group of Asbury College students, and 3)really good stuff he brought us: Spam, Ale-8, Reese's Pieces, Green Chile, and Campbell's Soup.

It's great to have a buddy here for a while.

An Opportunity

I've been pretty angry at God over the last week. Ever since we found out that Kara was pregnant, I had been praying that God would bless her with this baby. I prayed every day that God would provide the things that the baby needed to live and grow - physically and in every way so that our child would live to be completely God's.

When we found out that we lost the baby, I felt hurt and let down by God. There were not any other things that I wanted more than these two requests, and I wanted them for God's glory. I had been asking and asking, and it made me mad to find out the news.

I can't say that I'm over it yet. At this point, I certainly still don't understand the situation any better. I don't understand how to reconcile Jesus' statement of "Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" with all of this and so many similar experiences of other people.

I don't understand Jesus, but I still trust Him. He's still Lord, even though I may not be very happy with Him at times. Being unhappy with Him, I hadn't really wanted to talk to Him for several days. Then yesterday I noticed myself being ridiculously irritable with people and I knew I needed some time with the Lord. It wasn't anything spectacular, and I didn't hear any audible voices or anything, but it was just nice to feel like I can at least start my way back to a normal relationship with God.

One thing I thought about during that time- I've said from pulpits before that in tough times Jesus often leaves the question of why something happened as being irrelevant - like the story of the man born blind in John 9. He focuses more on how situations of suffering bring with them opportunities to be of more use to God. I don't know why it took me until yesterday to think that this could apply to our situation.

I don't think I'm ever going to understand the difficulty of how Jesus tells us that He will give what we ask in His name, yet so many good things that we ask for don't happen. But when I spent some time with Jesus yesterday I realized that even though that question is at the forefront of my mind, in the eternal perspective of things it's probably not the question that matters most. Then I started to think about how this situation could put us in a place to be more useful to God.

Every one of these kids here has experienced profound loss. In terms of difficulty, my life still has no comparison to theirs. And I don't understand how, but I feel that after losing this baby, Kara and I are in some way a little more a part of these kids, more one of them, now than we were a week ago.

So I hope I'm right- that I may not understand this God I've given my life to, but that somehow He will use the tough time we've been through to help these 47 who have suffered so much to enter more fully into their new lives in Him.