Christmas Cheer

Ethan received an early Christmas present from Nana Kate (Daniel's mom).

He was mesmerized by the ornaments and lights after we decorated the Christmas tree.

Visit with Michelle

I wrote in a previous post that the directors of NLCH, Kendon and Wendy Wheeler, were bringing Michelle to the U.S. for genetic testing. Yesterday we were able eat lunch and visit for a few hours with them in Lubbock (two hours from where we live in Midland). It was so great to see them! I didn't realize just how much I missed Kendon and Wendy until I saw them yesterday. They are amazing people and I am so blessed to have them in my life. I wish it was as easy as yesterday to get to see them!

Michelle is as precious and adorable as ever but I must admit that I was shocked to see her. She had grown as far as maturity and development but her size seemed even smaller than I remembered. I always knew she was very tiny but I guess being around her everyday in Guatemala and not having a baby of our own, it didn't really sink in how serious her growth issues really are. I just thought of her as cute and tiny.

At 19 months she is much smaller than three month old Ethan and that was heartbreaking. I am used to our 12+ pound son so when I held her in my arms, her 8 pound 10 ounce body felt like I wasn't holding anything. I am once again reminded of what a miracle she is. She crawls at rapid speed and walks holding onto a rolling car toy. She is happy and into everything -- opening cabinets, playing with toys, etc. -- and is just full of energy. I am amazed that she is so healthy -- no colds or illness besides a brief time of stomach issues since her arrival at NLCH almost a year ago. That is amazing considering she lives in close contact with so many other children. Kendon and Wendy take such good care of her and have brought much joy to her life as she has also done for them and everyone she comes in contact with.

They have an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday. I pray for the doctor's wisdom, that Kendon and Wendy will finally have a definitive diagnosis, know how to proceed with her care, and possibly be given a good idea of her prognosis.

Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful time in Missouri spending Thanksgiving with my family. We flew from Midland to Dallas, and Dallas to St. Louis. Ethan did well on the flights. Thankfully he slept most of the way.

We were there from the 24th to the 29th. During our week, Ethan was introduced to many family members and seemed to love the attention.

Here are a few pictures from the week with captions below each:

On the airplane. I look tired and Ethan looks WIDE awake!

Smiling and talking with Paw Paw.

Meeting three of his cousins.

Meeting Great Aunt Lori (my aunt)Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with Aunt Krista.We also celebrated Christmas with my family while we were there. Ethan hit the jackpot!

The Baby in Black

Shackled by Fear

The other day I was reading a book that said there is a higher incidence of SIDS among boys between the ages of two to four months and that it most often occurs during the cold months of the year. That night, I didn’t sleep well. I kept worrying about Ethan and imagined finding him as a victim of SIDS and how devastating that would be. Obviously, the more I thought about this, the more my level of fear rose. I even got up twice to check on him.

This fear reminded me of many months ago when we first found out that we were expecting Ethan. A week later, I started bleeding. My doctor ordered medication and bedrest. The bleeding would get better and then start again. I ended having to be on bedrest for five weeks. It was such an emotional time for Daniel and me. After losing our first child to miscarriage, I became paralyzed by fear and convinced that I was going to lose this pregnancy too. Five weeks spent in bed give you lots of time to think and worry. It did, however, also give me a lot of time for prayer. I realized that fear was enslaving me and robbing me of the joy of a little life developing and forming inside of me. I knew realistically that my fear wouldn’t stop when the baby was born – there would always be something new to worry about (like SIDS!) with each new stage of his life.

Laying in bed one of those early days of bedrest, worrying again about the developing baby, it was one of the only times in my life when I felt that I was given a specific verse of scripture -- Psalm 139:5-6, “You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” This verse brought me great comfort as I imagined the baby “hemmed in,” protected in a safe pocket of God’s hands. The specialness of this verse for Ethan was confirmed to me when my sister-inlaw unexpectedly sent me an email saying that she was praying this verse for the baby. What a gift of encouragement that was! I can’t tell you how many times I recited it and imagined the baby protected in God’s hands throughout my pregnancy.

I also was helped by great words of wisdom from a lady that I met through the children’s home. I shared my fears with her in an email and she responded, “I surely can relate to the worry. I've watched my mother worry herself into a joyless life. I guess I should say it has been a blessing because it has taught me to focus on the every blessing, enjoy it, and trust that if you had nothing more it would be sufficient. Of course there are all sorts of perils out there in front of our babies, but the Lord is the creator of the universe. Surely he will guard each moment of your precious child's life -- and when hard times come, His grace is sufficient. Having those worry tendencies can be a blessing -- each time we are tempted to worry, we can stop to appreciate every little ounce of joy in the moment. Shut out all fear of the future and praise God for the moment you are in. I tell my kids all the time, 'If the Lord decided to take you back tomorrow I'd be heartbroken, but OH SO grateful for the joy we've had -- far more than most -- I treasure you and each new moment is a great gift I wasn't necessarily expecting.'"

Her words came back to my mind again the other night. I would be devastated if I lost Ethan tomorrow but oh so grateful for the blessing that he is to my life today. May I focus on the joy of now and not the worries of what could be. May we each truly know that God’s grace is sufficient and not let fear steal our joy.

Happy Fall!

The previous two pictures are from Fallapalooza at our church. It was nice to have Daniel's parents there with us!

Way to go Tech!

We were all excited about Texas Tech's big win on Saturday, but especially these two little fans dressed to cheer on their team!


Ethan is on the right and if you don't recognize her, that is Michelle from NLCH who used to dominate our blog. I stole this picture off of Kendon's Facebook page. I love it! She is adorable as always. She has changed so much since we left at the end of June. She is now 17 1/2 months old, has a mouth full of teeth, much longer hair, she is crawling like crazy and has started to walk behind push toys. That is quite a sight to behold with her tiny 8 pound 3 ounce body! I am so thankful for Skype (a free internet phone program with video) because we have been able to talk to her and see her crawling and walking. The great news is that we will get to see Kendon, Wendy and Michelle next month! Hooray! We can't wait! They finally received approval to bring Michelle to the U.S. for much needed genetic testing. They will be coming to Lubbock, TX the first week of December. That is only two hours from us so of course we have already arranged for them to try to fit us into their busy schedule. We will drive any lengths to see Michelle! :) ... Kendon and Wendy, too!

Please join with us in praying for the doctor's wisdom -- that her condition will be identified and that there will be a treatment to help her grow.