It looks like my time in language school is really paying off. Twice in the past week I have been asked if I speak Spanish. The first was the other day at lunch when ten year-old Kevin was going to tell me a joke and then hesitated and said, "well, do you speak Spanish?" I was caught off guard since we have had many conversations in Spanish but it was really too funny to be offensive. I said, "a little" to which he responded, "umm... then you're not going to understand me" -- implying why waste his time. I told him to go ahead and I laughed hard after he finished telling the joke, but sadly I must admit he was right -- I didn't understand a word!
The second question was posed today when our car (which we are yet to find out if it is a lemon!) wouldn't start after we filled it with gas. Several Guatemalan men who work at the gas station came over and tried to help us -- mainly by banging on the battery with the windshield squeegee. They decided to give the car a rolling start to see if that would do the trick so one of the men got behind the wheel and he began to talk to me. I attempted to respond, thinking that I understood what he was saying but then he interrupted and said, "do you speak any Spanish?" That's was not a good sign nor did it help with my confidence in speaking the language!
Oh well, better luck next time!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Juan David
There is a new child a NLCH -- seven year-old Juan David arrived on Wednesday! He is very sweet and has a big smile. He seems to be hitting it off very well with the other children. Here are a few pictures from his first few days here. Descriptions are below the pictures.
Juan David getting his haircut by the hairdresser who visits the Home once a month.
Playing with one of the Asbury college student's sunglasses. He doesn't appear to be shy!
Posing for a picture with his new friends and one of the Asbury college students who was here with a mission team this past week (I like his Cardinals shirt!). Juan David is on the left in the green and blue striped shirt with his arm around Giovani.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Daniel's Makeover
Last night we ate dinner with the young girls at their house. We had a great time! After dinner, the girls decided to give Daniel a makeover while I was visiting the older girls. You know that he must really love these girls in order to sit through something like that. I was very proud of him. I guess he decided that he would do whatever it takes to bond with them... even if it means headbands, hairspray, and pulled hair! Against his wishes, I thought I would share a few pictures with you...
Sustained By Love
I cannot think of the right words to express gratitude for the love that has been shown to us over the past few weeks through emails, phone calls, prayers and encouragement, but it seemed only right to acknowledge the impact here and to offer a simple "thank you." Anyone who has experienced grief knows that it is the love, support and prayers of others that carry you through the difficult times.
I am amazed by how many emails we have received from people who have had similar experiences. Thank you for sharing your stories with us! It was comforting to know that you understood our pain. Also, it was very encouraging to hear from people who lost their first child but went on to have other children. I pray that will be the case for us as well.
While things are not back to "normal" and I am not sure when they will be, I am ready for this blog not to be dominated by the miscarriage. There is still sadness and some days are worse than others, so I can't promise that I won't have something to say about it in the future, but I am now ready to post about other things.
In the midst of sadness there is incredible joy. I am so thankful to be in an environment where I am daily surrounded by 47 loving children (plus the over 400 from the school!).
I am amazed by how many emails we have received from people who have had similar experiences. Thank you for sharing your stories with us! It was comforting to know that you understood our pain. Also, it was very encouraging to hear from people who lost their first child but went on to have other children. I pray that will be the case for us as well.
While things are not back to "normal" and I am not sure when they will be, I am ready for this blog not to be dominated by the miscarriage. There is still sadness and some days are worse than others, so I can't promise that I won't have something to say about it in the future, but I am now ready to post about other things.
In the midst of sadness there is incredible joy. I am so thankful to be in an environment where I am daily surrounded by 47 loving children (plus the over 400 from the school!).
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Paul's Here!
In this picture, you see several of my favorite things: 1)Kara, 2)one of my best friends- Paul Niswander, who is here leading a group of Asbury College students, and 3)really good stuff he brought us: Spam, Ale-8, Reese's Pieces, Green Chile, and Campbell's Soup.It's great to have a buddy here for a while.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
An Opportunity
I've been pretty angry at God over the last week. Ever since we found out that Kara was pregnant, I had been praying that God would bless her with this baby. I prayed every day that God would provide the things that the baby needed to live and grow - physically and in every way so that our child would live to be completely God's.
When we found out that we lost the baby, I felt hurt and let down by God. There were not any other things that I wanted more than these two requests, and I wanted them for God's glory. I had been asking and asking, and it made me mad to find out the news.
I can't say that I'm over it yet. At this point, I certainly still don't understand the situation any better. I don't understand how to reconcile Jesus' statement of "Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" with all of this and so many similar experiences of other people.
I don't understand Jesus, but I still trust Him. He's still Lord, even though I may not be very happy with Him at times. Being unhappy with Him, I hadn't really wanted to talk to Him for several days. Then yesterday I noticed myself being ridiculously irritable with people and I knew I needed some time with the Lord. It wasn't anything spectacular, and I didn't hear any audible voices or anything, but it was just nice to feel like I can at least start my way back to a normal relationship with God.
One thing I thought about during that time- I've said from pulpits before that in tough times Jesus often leaves the question of why something happened as being irrelevant - like the story of the man born blind in John 9. He focuses more on how situations of suffering bring with them opportunities to be of more use to God. I don't know why it took me until yesterday to think that this could apply to our situation.
I don't think I'm ever going to understand the difficulty of how Jesus tells us that He will give what we ask in His name, yet so many good things that we ask for don't happen. But when I spent some time with Jesus yesterday I realized that even though that question is at the forefront of my mind, in the eternal perspective of things it's probably not the question that matters most. Then I started to think about how this situation could put us in a place to be more useful to God.
Every one of these kids here has experienced profound loss. In terms of difficulty, my life still has no comparison to theirs. And I don't understand how, but I feel that after losing this baby, Kara and I are in some way a little more a part of these kids, more one of them, now than we were a week ago.
So I hope I'm right- that I may not understand this God I've given my life to, but that somehow He will use the tough time we've been through to help these 47 who have suffered so much to enter more fully into their new lives in Him.
When we found out that we lost the baby, I felt hurt and let down by God. There were not any other things that I wanted more than these two requests, and I wanted them for God's glory. I had been asking and asking, and it made me mad to find out the news.
I can't say that I'm over it yet. At this point, I certainly still don't understand the situation any better. I don't understand how to reconcile Jesus' statement of "Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" with all of this and so many similar experiences of other people.
I don't understand Jesus, but I still trust Him. He's still Lord, even though I may not be very happy with Him at times. Being unhappy with Him, I hadn't really wanted to talk to Him for several days. Then yesterday I noticed myself being ridiculously irritable with people and I knew I needed some time with the Lord. It wasn't anything spectacular, and I didn't hear any audible voices or anything, but it was just nice to feel like I can at least start my way back to a normal relationship with God.
One thing I thought about during that time- I've said from pulpits before that in tough times Jesus often leaves the question of why something happened as being irrelevant - like the story of the man born blind in John 9. He focuses more on how situations of suffering bring with them opportunities to be of more use to God. I don't know why it took me until yesterday to think that this could apply to our situation.
I don't think I'm ever going to understand the difficulty of how Jesus tells us that He will give what we ask in His name, yet so many good things that we ask for don't happen. But when I spent some time with Jesus yesterday I realized that even though that question is at the forefront of my mind, in the eternal perspective of things it's probably not the question that matters most. Then I started to think about how this situation could put us in a place to be more useful to God.
Every one of these kids here has experienced profound loss. In terms of difficulty, my life still has no comparison to theirs. And I don't understand how, but I feel that after losing this baby, Kara and I are in some way a little more a part of these kids, more one of them, now than we were a week ago.
So I hope I'm right- that I may not understand this God I've given my life to, but that somehow He will use the tough time we've been through to help these 47 who have suffered so much to enter more fully into their new lives in Him.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Trust
Trust is something that has always been difficult for me. I like for things to make sense, to be able to plan ahead, and to have things operate according to my schedule. Who doesn't? But when things don't go according to plan and are impossible to make sense of, what choice do we have except to trust? It's not a valiant or admirable thing, it's just that there simply is no other option. I asked God to help me with trusting Him more before we came to Guatemala. I just had no idea what that process would involve and just how painful it would be.
I, obviously, never would have chosen to have surgery in Guatemala. I have strong American loyalty and biases -- I was skeptical of health care here and thought that it couldn't possibly be as good as at home. Now, I know this is exactly where I needed to be. I told my doctor, Dr. Ruata, when I left the hospital on Saturday that I don't think that I could have made it through this without him -- he was like Jesus walking me through each step.
At 8 am on Friday morning, Dr. Ruata met me at his clinic. He sat down with us and explained everything that was going to take place. Then he walked with me to the hospital, took me through Admissions, and then stayed by my side through a second-opinion ultrasound that he had set up with the radiologist. It was difficult for me because the ultrasound was on the maternity ward of the hospital. I had wanted to be there under very different circumstances. Dr. Ruata held my hand and rubbed my arm as the tears slipped down my cheeks.
I haven't decided yet if it was good or not for me to see the ultrasound photos that morning. It was good in the sense that I could see the baby and say goodbye. I knew what was coming so I wasn't surprised when the radiologist shook his head, confirming what Dr. Ruata had told me the day before. Of course, there was that small piece of me that hoped for something different, but yet the confirmation wasn't a surprise. What was bad about the ultrasound was that the image is now frozen in my brain. Dr. Ruata told me that they removed "disorganized tissue" that in no way resembled a baby. However, due to the miracle of ultrasound, the image was so enhanced that I could see the tiny frame of a baby, laying on its side, motionless at the bottom of the sack with one little arm sticking up in the air. A pathetic, lifeless little person. That was not "disorganized tissue." It was a baby and not just any baby... it was my baby.
I was surprised that I was not put to sleep before entering the operating room. As I was laying under the big metal lights, looking at everyone in their masks and seeing the trays of tools, the tears began again. The anesthesiologist grabbed my hand and said, "I know you are scared, I am going to give you something to relax you." I responded that it wasn't so much that I was scared, just very sad. He looked at me with eyes of understanding, squeezed my hand, and told me that his wife had miscarried with their first child and now they have "a precious angel Matthew" and that someday I would too. He was very kind. He then told me he had given me something that would make me very sleepy. I said, "I'm not sleepy" and that is the last thing that I remember for the next four hours.
I now have no doubts about Guatemalan health care. The doctors and nurses lovingly cared for me. Everything was clean and of high-quality. Even the food was very good (thankfully no black beans or plantains!). Their thoughtfulness was amazing to me. Dr. Ruata ordered an extra meal tray for Daniel so that he could eat dinner and breakfast with me. When we left the hospital, we were given a five page bill, which I was shocked only totaled $2,029. Why is medical care so expensive in the U.S.?
I, obviously, never would have chosen to have surgery in Guatemala. I have strong American loyalty and biases -- I was skeptical of health care here and thought that it couldn't possibly be as good as at home. Now, I know this is exactly where I needed to be. I told my doctor, Dr. Ruata, when I left the hospital on Saturday that I don't think that I could have made it through this without him -- he was like Jesus walking me through each step.
At 8 am on Friday morning, Dr. Ruata met me at his clinic. He sat down with us and explained everything that was going to take place. Then he walked with me to the hospital, took me through Admissions, and then stayed by my side through a second-opinion ultrasound that he had set up with the radiologist. It was difficult for me because the ultrasound was on the maternity ward of the hospital. I had wanted to be there under very different circumstances. Dr. Ruata held my hand and rubbed my arm as the tears slipped down my cheeks.
I haven't decided yet if it was good or not for me to see the ultrasound photos that morning. It was good in the sense that I could see the baby and say goodbye. I knew what was coming so I wasn't surprised when the radiologist shook his head, confirming what Dr. Ruata had told me the day before. Of course, there was that small piece of me that hoped for something different, but yet the confirmation wasn't a surprise. What was bad about the ultrasound was that the image is now frozen in my brain. Dr. Ruata told me that they removed "disorganized tissue" that in no way resembled a baby. However, due to the miracle of ultrasound, the image was so enhanced that I could see the tiny frame of a baby, laying on its side, motionless at the bottom of the sack with one little arm sticking up in the air. A pathetic, lifeless little person. That was not "disorganized tissue." It was a baby and not just any baby... it was my baby.
I was surprised that I was not put to sleep before entering the operating room. As I was laying under the big metal lights, looking at everyone in their masks and seeing the trays of tools, the tears began again. The anesthesiologist grabbed my hand and said, "I know you are scared, I am going to give you something to relax you." I responded that it wasn't so much that I was scared, just very sad. He looked at me with eyes of understanding, squeezed my hand, and told me that his wife had miscarried with their first child and now they have "a precious angel Matthew" and that someday I would too. He was very kind. He then told me he had given me something that would make me very sleepy. I said, "I'm not sleepy" and that is the last thing that I remember for the next four hours.
I now have no doubts about Guatemalan health care. The doctors and nurses lovingly cared for me. Everything was clean and of high-quality. Even the food was very good (thankfully no black beans or plantains!). Their thoughtfulness was amazing to me. Dr. Ruata ordered an extra meal tray for Daniel so that he could eat dinner and breakfast with me. When we left the hospital, we were given a five page bill, which I was shocked only totaled $2,029. Why is medical care so expensive in the U.S.?
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Recovering Well
Sorry that I did not get anything posted yesterday to update everyone on how Kara's procedure went, but the surgery took place later in the day than originally planned so we ended up staying overnight in the hospital. The doctor said that everything went very well and we were very pleased with how our hospital took very good care of Kara. We came back to the children's home this morning. Kara is tired, but so far feeling very well as she hasn't had to take any pain medicine.
Obviously we're still processing this and trying to work our way through it. We can't tell you how much of an encouragement all of your comments and emails have been to us. We have known a lot of people who have been through this and it really has meant a lot to hear from so many of you.
I have been especially impressed by Kara's attitude through all of this, and we know that is due to so many of you praying for us. Sure, we've been sad, but she has also been able to trust the Lord in a very deep way through this and has been the source of encouragement that I have needed.
We will be writing more soon... I think being able to share our thoughts via this blog will be a good outlet for both of us. For now, though, we just wanted to update you all and thank you for your support.
Obviously we're still processing this and trying to work our way through it. We can't tell you how much of an encouragement all of your comments and emails have been to us. We have known a lot of people who have been through this and it really has meant a lot to hear from so many of you.
I have been especially impressed by Kara's attitude through all of this, and we know that is due to so many of you praying for us. Sure, we've been sad, but she has also been able to trust the Lord in a very deep way through this and has been the source of encouragement that I have needed.
We will be writing more soon... I think being able to share our thoughts via this blog will be a good outlet for both of us. For now, though, we just wanted to update you all and thank you for your support.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Devastating News
I sincerely hope that I will not have to write a more difficult blog post than this one during our time in Guatemala. This afternoon was my second appointment with the doctor. Daniel and I were thrilled to see on the ultrasound that the baby had doubled in size, the sack looked great (according to the doctor) and we could see little limbs.
Then the doctor looked at me with a very serious look on his face, laid a hand on my knee and said, "I'm afraid I don't have good news." He went on to explain that he could not detect any movement or heart beat. While I am nine weeks into pregnancy, the baby's development had stopped at seven weeks. Nothing can prepare you to hear those words. Although I was hearing him, it didn't seem real. I wanted to ask him to say it again because I thought maybe I didn't hear right the first time. My doctor is a very kind and gentle man and his face conveyed great concern. He said how sorry he was and that sometimes these things just happen and there is no reason. He said my blood test results were great, everything in the formation looked great and there simply is just not a reason.
I was in shock and began to ask silly questions in desperation such as, just because there is no movement and heartbeat now, maybe there will be later? He had wonderful patience with me and said I can come by his office at 8 am tomorrow morning and he will check again. Then we will need to go on to the hospital to have a D&C (surgery to remove the baby). I trust my doctor and know that he is right that this needs to be done but it is so hard to let go.
We could definitely use your prayers right now. Your prayers have gotten us through some pretty tough times here already and I know they will carry us through this difficult time too. I have had Matt Redman's song "Blessed Be Your Name" stuck in my head since yesterday. It is based on passages of Job. One section says "you give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, blessed be Your name." I know that is going to be a difficult choice for Daniel and me in the coming days, but God's name be blessed for He holds us in His hands and knows what is best for us. I thank Him for the nine weeks that He allowed me to carry this precious little life in my body.
Then the doctor looked at me with a very serious look on his face, laid a hand on my knee and said, "I'm afraid I don't have good news." He went on to explain that he could not detect any movement or heart beat. While I am nine weeks into pregnancy, the baby's development had stopped at seven weeks. Nothing can prepare you to hear those words. Although I was hearing him, it didn't seem real. I wanted to ask him to say it again because I thought maybe I didn't hear right the first time. My doctor is a very kind and gentle man and his face conveyed great concern. He said how sorry he was and that sometimes these things just happen and there is no reason. He said my blood test results were great, everything in the formation looked great and there simply is just not a reason.
I was in shock and began to ask silly questions in desperation such as, just because there is no movement and heartbeat now, maybe there will be later? He had wonderful patience with me and said I can come by his office at 8 am tomorrow morning and he will check again. Then we will need to go on to the hospital to have a D&C (surgery to remove the baby). I trust my doctor and know that he is right that this needs to be done but it is so hard to let go.
We could definitely use your prayers right now. Your prayers have gotten us through some pretty tough times here already and I know they will carry us through this difficult time too. I have had Matt Redman's song "Blessed Be Your Name" stuck in my head since yesterday. It is based on passages of Job. One section says "you give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, blessed be Your name." I know that is going to be a difficult choice for Daniel and me in the coming days, but God's name be blessed for He holds us in His hands and knows what is best for us. I thank Him for the nine weeks that He allowed me to carry this precious little life in my body.
The Champions
I'm not sure what they won, but congratulations to Josue, Samy, and Giovani! You win black beans for life!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Intermissions 2007
Over the weekend we were able to attend our first Intermissions conference in Antigua. Intermissions is a conference for missionaries all over Guatemala, and this year we had over 600 people in attendance. It was neat to get to meet some other missionaries and hear their stories- especially from one couple who has been here 51 years!
One of the unique things about the conference was that they have people called "servant teams" who volunteer to come down from the states and give free haircuts, massages, or pedicures to missionaries here. We even met one man who did fundraisers and paid some of his own cost to come down here and give free foot rubs to people all weekend! That's a guy who has learned how to serve!
A highlight for us was one night after the services we had a "hymn-sing", where they passed out the hymnals and the praise band played requests for about an hour. It was great to sing all of those old songs with a bunch of people who really enjoyed singing them. (For our Bright Star friends, Ivan would have been whooping and hollering!)
One of the unique things about the conference was that they have people called "servant teams" who volunteer to come down from the states and give free haircuts, massages, or pedicures to missionaries here. We even met one man who did fundraisers and paid some of his own cost to come down here and give free foot rubs to people all weekend! That's a guy who has learned how to serve!
A highlight for us was one night after the services we had a "hymn-sing", where they passed out the hymnals and the praise band played requests for about an hour. It was great to sing all of those old songs with a bunch of people who really enjoyed singing them. (For our Bright Star friends, Ivan would have been whooping and hollering!)
Who Says Baptists Can't Dance?
Jesus told us to make disciples of all nations, but he didn't specify exactly how. Here is part of how the team from Highland Baptist Church of Waco, TX tried to go about it.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The Calm Before the Storm
Right now, I'm sitting in a lush garden in 80 degree weather checking my email. This is about as calm as things have been since we got back to NLCH, and it's not going to last for long. Starting later today, Kara and I will get our first taste of working with teams that come down from the states. We have a group of 20 coming from Highland Baptist Church in Waco, TX to help with Intermissions (a conference for missionaries in Guatemala) in Antigua this weekend.
Now that I've been driving in Guatemala for a week, I get the chance to drive a 15 passenger van full of people around the city. The group will have a pizza party here with the kids tonight, and then we head to Antigua tomorrow to enjoy the conference for the weekend. When we return on Sunday, the group from Highland will have a program for our kids.
Then we'll have a few days to get ready for our spring break teams- one from LakeRidge UMC in Lubbock, TX March 11-18, and the next one from Asbury College (led by my buddy Paul) March 17-24.
By the way- incase any of you are interested in keeping up in more detail with what teams do while they are here, go to www.nlchteams.blogspot.com and www.nlch.net.
Now that I've been driving in Guatemala for a week, I get the chance to drive a 15 passenger van full of people around the city. The group will have a pizza party here with the kids tonight, and then we head to Antigua tomorrow to enjoy the conference for the weekend. When we return on Sunday, the group from Highland will have a program for our kids.
Then we'll have a few days to get ready for our spring break teams- one from LakeRidge UMC in Lubbock, TX March 11-18, and the next one from Asbury College (led by my buddy Paul) March 17-24.
By the way- incase any of you are interested in keeping up in more detail with what teams do while they are here, go to www.nlchteams.blogspot.com and www.nlch.net.
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