My Heart is Full

I've wanted for some time now to put this into words through a blog post. Due to the fact that I've been basically absent from the blog since Ethan's birth (other than sending the "I Crawl the Line" picture from my phone), obviously it hasn't happened- until now.

I knew that if we were to have a baby, I would love him, and it would be an incredible new experience for me. That has been true, but I had no idea the degree in which it would happen. This little guy just eats me up.

I have trouble even putting it into words. Any of you who live here in Midland and see us regularly can probably tell something of how crazy I am about him, but it's difficult to express to the rest of you. I love my job, but don't like leaving the house in the morning and look forward to getting home every day just to be with him and his mom. And when I'm here- I just can't get enough of him.

I am overwhelmingly thankful to God- although life here has its challenges right now just as does life anywhere at any time... I don't know that my life has ever before been so full of joy. Of course I probably would have said the same thing while we lived at NLCH in Guatemala, and before that as we started our married life together in Georgia. But now- my marriage to an incredibly wonderful woman, and the privilege of being a dad to this little boy have made my heart full.

Meeting the Harris Cousins

This Christmas we have enjoyed getting to be with the whole Harris side of the family, as both of my brothers and their wives and kids came in on Christmas Eve. Ethan is the 6th grandchild on this side, and he evens out the ratio of boys to girls. He's pictured above with the next-youngest cousin, Jack.

Christmas Cheer

Ethan received an early Christmas present from Nana Kate (Daniel's mom).

He was mesmerized by the ornaments and lights after we decorated the Christmas tree.

Visit with Michelle

I wrote in a previous post that the directors of NLCH, Kendon and Wendy Wheeler, were bringing Michelle to the U.S. for genetic testing. Yesterday we were able eat lunch and visit for a few hours with them in Lubbock (two hours from where we live in Midland). It was so great to see them! I didn't realize just how much I missed Kendon and Wendy until I saw them yesterday. They are amazing people and I am so blessed to have them in my life. I wish it was as easy as yesterday to get to see them!

Michelle is as precious and adorable as ever but I must admit that I was shocked to see her. She had grown as far as maturity and development but her size seemed even smaller than I remembered. I always knew she was very tiny but I guess being around her everyday in Guatemala and not having a baby of our own, it didn't really sink in how serious her growth issues really are. I just thought of her as cute and tiny.

At 19 months she is much smaller than three month old Ethan and that was heartbreaking. I am used to our 12+ pound son so when I held her in my arms, her 8 pound 10 ounce body felt like I wasn't holding anything. I am once again reminded of what a miracle she is. She crawls at rapid speed and walks holding onto a rolling car toy. She is happy and into everything -- opening cabinets, playing with toys, etc. -- and is just full of energy. I am amazed that she is so healthy -- no colds or illness besides a brief time of stomach issues since her arrival at NLCH almost a year ago. That is amazing considering she lives in close contact with so many other children. Kendon and Wendy take such good care of her and have brought much joy to her life as she has also done for them and everyone she comes in contact with.

They have an appointment with the doctor on Tuesday. I pray for the doctor's wisdom, that Kendon and Wendy will finally have a definitive diagnosis, know how to proceed with her care, and possibly be given a good idea of her prognosis.

Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful time in Missouri spending Thanksgiving with my family. We flew from Midland to Dallas, and Dallas to St. Louis. Ethan did well on the flights. Thankfully he slept most of the way.

We were there from the 24th to the 29th. During our week, Ethan was introduced to many family members and seemed to love the attention.

Here are a few pictures from the week with captions below each:

On the airplane. I look tired and Ethan looks WIDE awake!

Smiling and talking with Paw Paw.

Meeting three of his cousins.

Meeting Great Aunt Lori (my aunt)Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with Aunt Krista.We also celebrated Christmas with my family while we were there. Ethan hit the jackpot!

The Baby in Black

Shackled by Fear

The other day I was reading a book that said there is a higher incidence of SIDS among boys between the ages of two to four months and that it most often occurs during the cold months of the year. That night, I didn’t sleep well. I kept worrying about Ethan and imagined finding him as a victim of SIDS and how devastating that would be. Obviously, the more I thought about this, the more my level of fear rose. I even got up twice to check on him.

This fear reminded me of many months ago when we first found out that we were expecting Ethan. A week later, I started bleeding. My doctor ordered medication and bedrest. The bleeding would get better and then start again. I ended having to be on bedrest for five weeks. It was such an emotional time for Daniel and me. After losing our first child to miscarriage, I became paralyzed by fear and convinced that I was going to lose this pregnancy too. Five weeks spent in bed give you lots of time to think and worry. It did, however, also give me a lot of time for prayer. I realized that fear was enslaving me and robbing me of the joy of a little life developing and forming inside of me. I knew realistically that my fear wouldn’t stop when the baby was born – there would always be something new to worry about (like SIDS!) with each new stage of his life.

Laying in bed one of those early days of bedrest, worrying again about the developing baby, it was one of the only times in my life when I felt that I was given a specific verse of scripture -- Psalm 139:5-6, “You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” This verse brought me great comfort as I imagined the baby “hemmed in,” protected in a safe pocket of God’s hands. The specialness of this verse for Ethan was confirmed to me when my sister-inlaw unexpectedly sent me an email saying that she was praying this verse for the baby. What a gift of encouragement that was! I can’t tell you how many times I recited it and imagined the baby protected in God’s hands throughout my pregnancy.

I also was helped by great words of wisdom from a lady that I met through the children’s home. I shared my fears with her in an email and she responded, “I surely can relate to the worry. I've watched my mother worry herself into a joyless life. I guess I should say it has been a blessing because it has taught me to focus on the every blessing, enjoy it, and trust that if you had nothing more it would be sufficient. Of course there are all sorts of perils out there in front of our babies, but the Lord is the creator of the universe. Surely he will guard each moment of your precious child's life -- and when hard times come, His grace is sufficient. Having those worry tendencies can be a blessing -- each time we are tempted to worry, we can stop to appreciate every little ounce of joy in the moment. Shut out all fear of the future and praise God for the moment you are in. I tell my kids all the time, 'If the Lord decided to take you back tomorrow I'd be heartbroken, but OH SO grateful for the joy we've had -- far more than most -- I treasure you and each new moment is a great gift I wasn't necessarily expecting.'"

Her words came back to my mind again the other night. I would be devastated if I lost Ethan tomorrow but oh so grateful for the blessing that he is to my life today. May I focus on the joy of now and not the worries of what could be. May we each truly know that God’s grace is sufficient and not let fear steal our joy.

Happy Fall!

The previous two pictures are from Fallapalooza at our church. It was nice to have Daniel's parents there with us!

Way to go Tech!

We were all excited about Texas Tech's big win on Saturday, but especially these two little fans dressed to cheer on their team!


Ethan is on the right and if you don't recognize her, that is Michelle from NLCH who used to dominate our blog. I stole this picture off of Kendon's Facebook page. I love it! She is adorable as always. She has changed so much since we left at the end of June. She is now 17 1/2 months old, has a mouth full of teeth, much longer hair, she is crawling like crazy and has started to walk behind push toys. That is quite a sight to behold with her tiny 8 pound 3 ounce body! I am so thankful for Skype (a free internet phone program with video) because we have been able to talk to her and see her crawling and walking. The great news is that we will get to see Kendon, Wendy and Michelle next month! Hooray! We can't wait! They finally received approval to bring Michelle to the U.S. for much needed genetic testing. They will be coming to Lubbock, TX the first week of December. That is only two hours from us so of course we have already arranged for them to try to fit us into their busy schedule. We will drive any lengths to see Michelle! :) ... Kendon and Wendy, too!

Please join with us in praying for the doctor's wisdom -- that her condition will be identified and that there will be a treatment to help her grow.

Two Months

Ethan turned two months today! He celebrated by receiving his first vaccinations. Poor guy! He received three shots and a liquid for preventing Rotovirus. While he certainly didn't enjoy that, he gulped down the cherry flavored Tylenol.
He is now 24 inches and 11 pounds 7 ounces. He is up to the 60th percentile on weight and 90th percentile on height. The doctor of course told us once again that he is going to be very tall.

He has been pretty pitiful today, mostly sleeping and crying. He woke up from his nap screaming and I felt so sorry for him. He is getting a pretty good pouty lip that he sticks out while his chin is quivering. That gets right to a mother's heart!

Tagged

My sister in law, Tiffany, tagged me on her blog. I wasn't familiar with tagging so this is new to me. I am supposed to list some of Daniel's favorite things. This is good because it is forcing me to update the blog which I haven't been doing a very good job of lately.

Let's see....

God
Family
New Life Children's Home
Michelle
Dallas Willard
Discipleship/spiritual formation (participating in groups, leading groups, reading about these topics, etc.)
Taking naps with Little D
Dr. Pepper
Playing the guitar
Basketball
His red truck (Antonio)
Willie Nelson
Texas

Those are the first things that come to my mind. Anyone have anything to add?

I am now supposed to tag someone else to write about their husband's favorite things on their blog. I will tag Krista and Amy!

Gap #6: Georgia Baby Shower

On Wednesday, July 9th we visited our former church, Bright Star UMC in Douglasville, Georgia. It was so nice to be back! We were able to visit with many good friends, although being there only one evening was not enough time and we felt so rushed. We were glad we could be there for Wednesday Night Supper. Following supper, we were able to show pictures and talk a little about our experience in Guatemala. It is especially neat to talk about Guatemala there because our church has made two trips to NLCH and several people sponsor children at the Home. Therefore, people are actually interested in hearing about it, not just pretending to be interested. :)

Following the presentation which was held in the theater building, our friend Tim Plumley came up on the stage and said they had a surprise for us. The curtains on the stage opened and behind them they had beautifully and elaborately decorated for a cowboy themed baby shower. We were blown away! They went to such trouble for us. I think that the cake was the neatest cake that I have ever seen in my life. Texans are very proud of their state, so in honor of Daniel and our move to Texas, the cake was in the shape of Texas and decorated like the Texas flag. I was so impressed! They did an amazing job! I think Tim, Katie and Kim could make a lot of money selling those here in Texas!
They even had a whole theater set arranged with a little house labeled "Harris Ranch" and a rocking chair out front. Thanks to everyone who made that such a special night for us!

Gap #5: Georgia

After celebrating the 4th of July with my family in St. Louis, we drove 10 hours (not too fun when you are 7 months pregnant!) to Georgia to visit with friends at our former church and to load up our belongings that Daniel's brother and sister-in-law graciously stored for us in their basement for the past two years.

When the shipping unit arrived, we thought we would have no problem getting everything in. Then we realized, the truck was carrying two units so ours was only half that size. We knew it was going to be a challenge.
We were so thankful for Jason, Robyn, Sarah Kate and Ben who helped load the unit. They made use of every inch and managed to get almost everything in. We did, however, have to leave behind a couch, exercise machine and grill. As you can see, there was no way those were going to fit.

Gap #4: Missouri Baby Shower

Here are a few pictures from the baby shower that my mom and her friends had for us at Mid-Rivers Chapel in St. Charles. It was so neat to have a shower at the church where I grew up and to see many old friends and family members. It was a wonderful day!

I was so glad that my friends Johanna and Mandy were able to come.

My seven year-old niece Kaitlyn was very helpful with the gifts and taking pictures.

Kaitlyn documented the details of the shower very well with her pictures. I have a picture of each stuffed animal, tray of food and other assorted things from the shower. Below are my two favorite pictures that she took. The first is of my mom after she hugged her friend and their sweater buttons got stuck together. The second is of the sign on the trash can. A baby shower through the eyes of a seven year-old!

Gap #3: Daniel's 30th birthday

To make Daniel's 3oth birthday extra special, my parents took us to our first meal at Ruth's Chris Steak House. What a treat!

Here was Daniel's plate. Yum!

Gap #2: Return to the U.S.

We flew from Guatemala City to St. Louis. We were greeted at the airport by my parents, sister, brother in-law, nieces and nephew.

Kaitlyn, Kyle and Kaedyn made us a special welcome home banner. I especially liked the poison control stickers they used!

A picture of Kyle saying hello to baby Ethan:

Kaitlyn and Kyle helped us with our luggage.

Filling in the Gaps

I promised before Ethan's arrival to write about the month that we were away from the blog from the time that we left NLCH to the time that we moved to Texas. Since Ethan is asleep right now, I am going to make my first attempt.

Very (very!) early in the morning on June 27th, we left NLCH. We were so touched that Lee, Staci, and the summer interns all got up to see us off and that Kendon drove us to the airport.

The night before, the kids and staff had a special goodbye service for us following dinner in the dining hall. Here are some pictures from the night:

The evening started with a birthday surprise for Daniel (he turned 30 on June 28th-- two days after we left NLCH) of singing, fireworks and a delicious chocolate cake.

We really appreciated Staci putting together a slideshow of pictures taken during our time at NLCH. As I watched the slideshow, it just seem surreal. I couldn't believe that we were really leaving the next morning and that two years had already passed. The slideshow was followed by a dance performed by a group of the younger girls. We were glad to get some last minute time holding Genesis and Michelle.

Several of the kids shared goodbye messages. Then we were surprised by many of the older kids that participated in our discipleship groups. They gave us a small pot with a candle in it. Then they turned out the lights and a beautiful song about sending out the light came on. One by one they came by, lit a candle from ours and told us special memories of our time together. Then they all surrounded us for prayer. As I looked around at each of their faces illuminated in the candlelight, I knew that moment was a time that I would never forget and one of those precious memories that you guard in your heart as sacred. I was struck by the depth of love that I had for them and gratitude to God for allowing me to know them. That moment to me seemed like just a tiny glimpse of what Heaven will be like.

Kendon and Wendy presented us with a beautiful ceramic wall plague that says "The Harris Family" for our new home. I love it! Right now I have it sitting in the entertainment center in our living room. I want to hang it outside the house but I am not sure what to hang it with and I am afraid of it falling down and breaking in these Texas winds.

We also received a very neat scrapbook that the interns graciously put together for us. I wanted to give each of the kids a special treat so I made ice cream sandwiches for them (chocolate chip cookies and vanilla ice cream with mini chocolate chips around the outside).

Even Michelle got to have one, although it was about as big as her face and I don't think she really liked it.

The night ended with all of the kids and staff surrounding us, laying on hands and praying for us. I knew this would be part of the evening because we always do this the night before teams leave. It is always a touching and emotional time. I knew it would be hard for me and that I would most likely be very emotional during this closing time. However, if you click on this picture and enlarge it, you can see nine year-old Sammy smelling my hair. Throughout the prayer, I could hear and feel him sniffing my head and he said several times "Que rico" (how delicious). That was a good distraction and made me laugh, preventing me from being too sad. So, I am thankful for the blessing of Sammy's comic relief in that moment!